The Unorthodox Mormon???

I was searching for some help with my R.S. lesson in 2 weeks and came accrossed a blog I found very intresting, and in many way confusing also. I decided to post it to my blog to see if I could get some feed back. I have at times called and been called an Unorthodox Mormon, but after reading this I am not sure I am as Unorthodox as I had previously thought, nor am I sure I want to be called that.... It got my mind a churning and I find myself agreeing some what with the parts in the blog and the responces people posted to the blog and then completely disagreeing with some things in both also...

You can make your own judgement!

A dear friend of mine recently published an article in the Huffington Post about Mormon Pioneers. In one small line, she summed up something I have been feeling for a long time, especially in the way that I am viewed in the religious world. “As far as I’m concerned, my activity in the Mormon church is irrelevant to my identity as a Mormon.”

People, religious people mostly, like to know where I belong. Saying that I’m an unorthodox Mormon makes no sense to many and tends to upset most of those in my faith who are orthodox. I guess they like to call me ‘lukewarm’ or a ‘fence sitter’. Though I usually run hot and tend to speed walk every where I go. It has been a challenge to realize that while I don’t participate in most of the “church” duties of my religion, I still am happy and proud to be a Mormon.\

 

It’s been an envious realization that most of my friends in other faiths have the option of the level of activity in their faith. Yet, they also have no qualms in actually claiming that faith–even if they haven’t been to church in five years. Most of my Jewish friends are unorthodox and that is just fine. Their roots, their identity, is still solid in Judaism, without them having to wear a prayer shawl. And they don’t have a fear of ever being kicked out of the Jewish faith. Once a Jew, always a Jew. This goes for most of my Catholic friends as well. They attend church twice a year, use birth control, live with someone before they marry them (if they ever marry), and the like. Most people my age do many things not authorized in their religion. However, never, but never, would they ever say they were not Catholic. It’s their foundation. It’s who they are.

 

It’s a little different if you are a Mormon. You don’t really hold that power. If you do not qualify to attend the temple, you do not pay tithing, you like the occasional glass of red wine, you live with your boyfriend, and you are a little too outspoken about Prop 8. Well, then, they could very well just give you the boot and tell you that you are no longer one of them. I find this simply unfathomable. I find it crazy that some panel of men could look at me and say, “You are no longer one of us.”

I’ve jokingly said, in a few passing conversations, that I’m trying to create a world where orthodox and unorthodox Mormons can all just get along. But why does it always sound like a funny joke when I say it? The terms that we tend to use are ‘active’ and ‘inactive’ (and the middle ground of ‘less active’). I do not subscribe to these terms and I do not appreciate all the stereotypes that come to mind from a simple label. I actually wish we didn’t have to be as obsessed by levels of activity in the religion as we typically tend to be. My level of activity still comes up at every single family event and it has been over three years now. Every time you meet with a Bishop–he questions you more on your sexual thoughts than on your actual passions and intents for your life’s path. He wants to know your “worthiness”…and yet, what does that word even mean in this context?

Many many things on my path do not subscribe to orthodox Mormonism. Yet, my very foundation of being raised Mormon is something I love, cherish, honor, and would never want stripped away. It’s at the core of who I am and it’s at the core of who I am becoming. The fact that I did not grow up to become an orthodox Mormon is not something that should be pitied or changed or solved or discussed or worried about or prayed over or be the reason for my parents to fast. The truth is, I AM a Mormon.

But, I am an unorthodox Mormon. I do things my own way. I will not apologize if I do not fit in the box that you need me to fit in. I will be me. Sounds simple…but it took me a long time to get here and I don’t take that simplicity lightly.

Craig says:


Great post Stella. This brings up a lot of thoughts in me – many of which are confusing and difficult to parse.
I don’t call myself a Mormon because I don’t believe in anything the church teaches and I’m not a member of the church. I despise authoritarianism, censorship, homophobia, sexism, dogmas, doctrines, and hierarchies. I’m a gay atheist feminist communist. I am completely not Mormon.And yet, I am definitely Mormon. My family is super-orthodox. I was raised super-orthodox. I went on a mission and attended BYU for 4 years. My entire life is and will be irrevocably influenced by Mormonism. I no longer know how to navigate between these, nor how to express this. Am I Mormon? Definitely no. Also, definitely yes.
I’ve not identified as Mormon since I resigned my membership in the church. Recently I’ve started re-examining what Mormonism means to me, and have realised that I’m not as “Not a Mormon” as I thought I was. And yet I do still feel very uneasy about identifying as a Mormon because of the assumptions that go along with that word. I’m probably just as unorthodox as Stella, but I think I feel less Mormon. Or at least, I’m less willing to completely embrace that part of my identity. A major part of the issue is that I feel very little positive coming from Mormonism – both from my own Mormon upbringing, and from the external Mormonism that affects my life (and my rights) in very negative ways. For several years I have sought to distance myself from Mormonism; to cut all ties with it. I’m beginning to see that that isn’t possible, as most of my family is in the church, and there’s no undoing 23 years of indoctrination and culture. Perhaps I need to not worry about labels (boxes) so much and just be myself. For someone like myself who has such compulsion to organise everything into neat categories, it’s not been easy.



Stella says:


Andrew S.  Thank you for your time and your comment. This navigation through Mormonism–as you know–always has a bit of laughter, a bit of agreement, and a bit of vehemence.
Craig,
I agree. So many times I ask myself–well how can I be a feminist AND a Mormon? How can I be such and such AND Mormon? There is NO answer. In all honesty, there is no way to make those two things REALLY go together–as much as I wish there were. All of those things you despise, I despise as much–and I openly despise them. I’ve been trying to make restitution to all the parts of me until everything within me is harmonious and happy.
Then I think–aw, screw it.


LuluBelle says:


Thanks for the post. I totally agree with it. I am totally Mormon. I go to church most Sundays, the missionaries are welcomed in my home (and are there often), my kids were baptized Morgan and go to church, I even give the occasional talk and Relief Society lesson, and hold a “smaller” calling. That said, I don’t do visiting teaching, the tithing I pay goes straight to the humanitarian aid fund, I drink coffee almost daily (but adhere to the WoW than most strict Mormon’s in that I eat really healthy and exercise and maintain a healthy weight and have great blood pressure and cholesterol levels), a few times a year I’ll indulge in a glass of wine, and I only marginally attend extra curricular church activities. I often skip out on at least one meeting per Sunday to take a butt break. I believe in some of the doctrine but not a lot of it… I am a semi-feminist and anti Prop 8. I despise forced gender roles. But I am Mormon on my terms and I hope that the church can embrace even someone like me. Once a missionary asked me why I still belonged to the church, which caught me off guard. I am because I am– because I want to. And just ‘cuz I don’t follow every bit of Mormonism in the strictest sense, does that mean I can (or shouldn’t) be Mormon? I, too, find it unfathonable that a group of men could call me into a church court of love and revoke my membership. I hope it doesn’t happen but the thought it wholly unsettling.

There are several more responces if you want to really go read them all...

http://www.the-exponent.com/2010/07/29/the-unorthodox-mormon/comment-page-1/

That's what happens when...............

That's what happens when I don't medicate... no really, I don't medicate that may be the problem. :)




I never dreamed that out of all my posting this would become the most read, maybe the most offensive. This wasn't intended to get sympathy from anyone (maybe my hubby haha), not praise although it is nice. Not even to make people feel bad. This blog was intended to clear my heart and my head of the things that had been bothering me for the last few months...



I was advised by an wise (I won't say old) Owl. that though this is MY blog posting my dirty laundry isn't the best thing. That owl is right, and for this I am sorry. I tend to write, I wrote poems and long drug out stories in high school to clear my head and now I don't get to do that to much. When I am happy and content I don't have the inspiring material, I'm more of a twisted writer. I suppose turning back to poems and stories in private would be a much more Adult way of handling the childish feelings burning inside me.



To those who responded whether it be out of anger, whether you felt the need to apologize (which you didn't need to, but it was appreciated) and those who responded with just a gentle I love you girl. I appreciate all of the responses, whether it was by phone, e-mail, text message or face book. This has definitely gotten more responses then the 3 now 5 followers I thought it would...



I apologize for speaking my mind and wearing my emotions on my seleve, I always got in trouble for that as a teenager and I suppose it's not to good as an adult either...



The prideful part of me wants to avoid all those who have read this blog, fear of sympathy, fear of dirty looks, or disappointment for not speaking as that cute, sweet Sam so many think I am..



I apologize, can promise that I will have bells on the next time I am seen by anyone in public. I will be that sweet cute Sam once again. Even if at first it may be somewhat faked, I promise in time it will be REAL once again.





Again I am sorry to any of those that read my blog, I promise the posts will no longer be me venting about myself, but I can't promise they won't be about the military, my children, my friends and family, or just a random thing I saw..

Smiling is contagious,

you catch it like the flu,

When someone smiled at

me today, I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner,

and someone saw my grin -

When he smiled I

realized, I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,

then I realized its worth,

A single smile, just like mine,

could travel round the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,

don't leave it undetected -

Let's start an epidemic quick

and get the world infected ! ! !

Speachless

I feel like my heart is broken in peices!!!



This morning at 12:50 a very good friend of mine gave birth to her daughter. The speachless part is that the baby was due in November and sadlywas taken to live with Heavenly father sometime in the last few days. The thought of what she went through makes me cry. She had to deliver the child just like any other and is no planning a funeral for her on Monday. I'm so far away and feel so helpless to her. I just cry everytime I think about it. My heart feels broken and it isn't even my child, she wouldn't of even been a niece. Just a child I would of been blessed to know. I got the call and didn't know what to say, I just kept appoligizing like it was my fault or something, like Saying I'm so Sorry would make all the pain go away.. Why is it that we instantly appoligize when something tragic happens to those arounds us. It doesn't fix anything, it doesn't improve the suitation, and it's just 1 of the 100 times they will hear it from not only friends and family but stangers who will hear their story years to come from now. Still not fixing or changing anything that has happened in the last few days. So why is it the only thing I could muster up besides I love you. Why is it the only thing I can bring myself to put on a card to mail to my best friend at this diffucult time . Will "I'm sorry I love you " really help her, I can'tchange the outcome, I can't hold her hand and cry with her. I can just look at my babies and try to imagine a small bit of what she is going through.  Not even a small bit, I can think all I want but I can never imagine the pain she feels. She is so blessed , 2 awesome kids and a wonderful hubby not to mention the rest of her family. I thought of a magnet my mom gave me when I was 17 and going through somethings,  It's the best thing I have come up with so far other then I love you to fit the sutation...

I Prayed For You Today

I know it seems you're all alone

no one to really care

with such a heavy burden

that you alone must bear

I may not know just what to say

nor exactly what to do

But may you be assured to know

I'm praying just for you

So even though it seems

that many storm clouds fill your day

I know the Lord has heard our prayer and help is on the way!!

 I'm not sure what else to say, other then I love you Leah and your beautifu family. I'm always hear for you though I'm far away!!!

Dani Monique 12:50am July 16, 2010

Acceptance

Is there so such thing?

I Can Love You Like That

Fifty Seven years ago yesterday {July 12} William Neil Lee and Lovie Kaye Loveless {my grandparents} were married. In 2003 My grandpa (Neil lost his battle with lung cancer, {he faught long and hard.) While she sat by his bed she told the love of her life goodbye for now. :)

  This July (2010)  my grandma (Kaye)and my aunt went on a trip to Oregan and they stopped by Willamette University (where Neil attend College) she visited the rose garden there on campus. Their she found a pink rose bush that had both of their names on it. As she looked underneath there was a plaque that says, "for the love and support of my... wife, L Kaye Lee He had passed away before he could tell her about this wonderful gesture of love..He couldn't be with her this year for their anniversary, but his love came through a single beautiful rose bush in a rose garden in Oregan. ."

They were truly in love when they were separated on June 12, 2003 and I know that one day they will be together again and even more in love with each other!

This post I decidate to my wonderful grandparents who were the perfect example of loving whole heartedly until death do they part an then further on!!

William Neil Lee (June 12, 2003)

Just another Sunday

Well, tomorrow is Sunday once again and I can't help but fell excited about it. I love getting up and going to church. I've had some serious struggles with it the last few months though. I've been forcing myself to go with bells on for about 6 months now. I love the people {well, most of them} and I love the word {all of it word for word}, I love the music {Amy rocks my socks off with her selections and special music} and the talks are always my favorite part. Like most I am sure I have my favorite speakers, {I know I am a favorite of most, I mean come on it's me, who doesn't enjoy listening to me speak he he}. These things continue to make me happy to be there, I have just reached a spiritual growth road block. I am weeks away from hitting a milestone in my calling (Primary Secretary) and I can't help but have mixed emotions about it. I love working with the kids (though it is a very small amount of time) I love my teachers and Presidency members. I see the love each of them have for the children in our Primary and each other. I've seen countless teachers come and go and come again in my time in Primary, seven Councilors and I am now on my third President, all while I truck along compiling rolls, birthday lists, newsletters (my baby) and calendars for everyone to keep track off. I can recite almost every teacher's birthday and phone number, along with how many kids are in each class and which are active and inactive not to mention most of the kids birthdays. Let's face it I am GOOD at what I do, but that is because I loved what I do.

Yes! I know I used past tense... I said loved....

I still Love to make the newsletter, I still adore the children and the teachers/presidency members. I have just become stuck. I don't know maybe I am stuck in my own head, or maybe I am just suck spiritually. Either way I feel stuck. I feel like I have a job as opposed to how I felt when I first got my calling {Like I had a purpose, I was excited to knock on doors and make copies} now I feel like I should work at Kinko's. :( It may be a rut but it is a rut I have been stuck in for about 6 months and I find myself wishing more and more for a SPIRITUAL Challenge. For interaction with the new people in the ward, for a spiritual discussion not a discussion about who is in the bathroom helping the sunbeam boys! Though enlightening it no longer full fills me the way it did.



I have been searching magazines and scriptures for guidance and I found this....

No calling is beneath us. Every calling provides an opportunity to serve and to grow. The Lord organized the Church in a way that offers each member an opportunity for service, which, in turn, leads to personal spiritual growth. Whatever your calling, I urge you to see it as an opportunity not only to strengthen and bless others but also to become what Heavenly Father wants you to become.

The person who called you did not issue the call simply because he learned by interviewing you that you were worthy and willing to serve. He prayed to know the Lord’s will for you. It was prayer and revelation to those authorized of the Lord which brought you here. Your call is an example of a source of power unique to the Lord’s Church. Men and women are called of God by prophecy and by the laying on of hands by those God has authorized.

You are called to represent the Savior. Your voice to testify becomes the same as His voice, your hands to lift the same as His hands. His work is to bless His Father’s spirit children with the opportunity to choose eternal life. So, your calling is to bless lives. That will be true even in the most ordinary tasks you are assigned and in moments when you might be doing something not apparently connected to your call. Just the way you smile or the way you offer to help someone can build their faith. And should you forget who you are, just the way you speak and the way you behave can destroy faith.

That being said, I am struggling trying to keep from losing my smile, trying to concentrate as much as I can to prepare the newsletter, the calendars and smile and small mistakes. I know it is Primary, and simple mistakes on the Sunday Agenda aren't going to get someone hurt, but I didn't use to make a mistake, I used to spend about 15 hours going over a newsletter and now I am lucky if I spend 3-5 thought he week. Not because I don't have the time, but because I don't have the drive to do it. I create that newsletter so I love it, but I have kind of gotten to the point it is so monotonous.


I sit in the hallway waiting and hoping someone needs something even if it is crayons from the closet.


ohhhhhh, okay enough round and round, I have just been dealing with the eternal conflict between wanting to be someone who strives to fulfill her calling to my full potential and capability, and someone who gets bored beyond belief while listening to nothing in the hallway. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel bad, like I am hurting the kids, or the teachers or my fellow presidency members by sitting in the hallway bored and counting down the minutes until I have to know on the doors so I can get up and do something to help someone.

Night all, I will continue to pray and ponder the conflict, I just want to feel at peace whether it is staying in this calling or saying goodbye to a huge chapter in my life and moving on to something else. This calling has helped me grow more than I ever thought it could or would. I don't know if I would have made it to the Temple when I did if it wasn't for this calling and the things I have learned from the children and their teachers and my own scripture study that the kids challenged me to do...

Fourth of July

You know as a military wive, I find myself enjoying the fourth even more then I did as a kid lighting the farm on fire in Oklahoma. {my sis and I have a little pyro in us at times}  Since Caylon and I have been together {6yrs} the 4th has aways been a fun holiday for us to celebrate together. We celebrate with him driving up from tech school to surprise me, by watching our first show on an Air Force base, by me driving out from Oklahoma to surprise him and the Johnson's and Clay's and then last year, by him being over seas. That was the hardest 4th, but also the proudest..

Sarah and I both with hubby's gone decided to go to the WR concert alone with my 2 kids in tow and baby Cole in tummy... We set up on the side of the stage so there was room for dancing {what's a concert with out dancing} When the fireworks started exploding overhead, the music {amazing arrangement of music} blaring through the smoke filled air, I noticed the small and faintears softly running down my face. Listening to Lee Greenwood, I'd Proud To Be An American was more real to me at that moment then it had ever been before. I thought the emotions that ran over me at that moment was simply because I was alone while the hubby was actually fighting for the exact reason we were celebrating....

This year, the Hubby was home and after hearing that Diamond Rio was preforming, it wasn't hard to talk him into going, my sister Stevie was in town and so we drug her along.

 Walking in the gate we ran into what we called the {Mormon Crowd}. We mostly invited ourselves but every one's smiling faces made it very clear we were not going to sit anywhere but with them. :)

{ We had the best group in the house: Bonner's, Noel's, Everton's, Carlson's, and of course the Foskey's}

Sitting on blankets watching Tony, loose at spoons was at that moment

the highlight of my night.

Ri-Lee ran and danced with the other kids, while Kaden who had no interest in the music made a friend in Spencer when the helicopter began to make round over head. I managed to get such a cute picture of the two of them, that I'm sure Spencer will love. :)

When the fireworks began we all gathered up our things and moved further down the hill to see better,  Tony & Tracy managed to take our children and I snatch up and got an awesome picture of them taking in the awesome fireworks.Tracy held  Kaden and taught him to say BOOM BOOM and Ri-Lee found a cozy spot on Tony's shoulders.

Caylon and I took full advantage of not having to hold kids and danced to the music, enjoying our first 4th together in 3 years. (Sorry I'm horrible at taking a photo of myself)

I found myself taking in all the colors and shapes that were exploding in the air above us, thinking to myself about how horrible ti would be to be somewhere else, anywhere else. Somewhere, they don't get the chance to sit outside on blankets with great people playing (loosing) at spoons eating fruit or KFC.

I was thinking, thinking about why we were all there, about how blessed each person in that park really was. Not just to be here to see the fireworks and here the oh so talented voices of Diamond Rio, but to be chosen by our Heavenly Father to be able to be born in America at this time. To be able to dress, talk, believe, and enjoy ourselves the way we choose, in this beautiful country... My sister recently got a tattoo, which isn't my idea of a pass time, but the fact that she can go get that by her own choice is amazing to me . I think that people take for granted the place we are. No America is not prefect far from it, but, looking around at all the people enjoying the fireworks, the people that are able to celebrate their INDEPENDENCE made em so grateful. Grateful to those celebrating there with me, grateful to those who fought to get us this INDEPENDENCE, and grateful to those who continue to fight for it..

This year was no different then the past ones in one sad/happy way. This year though my hubby was home, we still had friends serving over in the War. This year we still get down on our knees and pray for the safety of not only those that we know but those that serve along side them in battle. To those I thank, to those I decidate this poor version of a blog to.. To those I owe my choices to. They work hard everyday for us to stay free, and the least we can do to thank them is to support them in their fight. They may of singed up to go over there but they did it out of Pride. Pride for our country, pride for their families and them selves and I have PRIDE in what they are doing and in this great country...

GOD BLESS AMERICA