Time for 3

For some reason I went into emotional breakdown on Tuesday. We had a knock at the door that afternoon and it was the ups man dropping off the much awaited car seat and jogging stroller I've been drooling over since the day I found out #3 was coming. I was so stinking excited (especially with only about 4 weeks until D-DAY if I even make it that long) The kids and I put it all together and Kaden even set in the stroller which he loved because it is GREEN!! Once I got it all together and stepped back to look at it, the world stopped, WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!! Yes, I know at 35 1/2 weeks pregnant you'd think I already knew that but until I saw that tiny little car seat sitting in the front room nothing had really set in. It's been 3 years since I've carried a car seat like that. Looking at Kaden sitting in the car seat really made me realize how big he is now, and how big his sister Ri~Lee is. August of this year will be 7 years since I found out I was pregnant with her. Holy Cow seven years.. My babies are growing up infront of my eyes. See for yourself 

Ri~Lee 6 years almost 3 months

 Kaden three years 5 months

 It just stomps my breath when I think that for some reason this beautiful babies were given to me. These sweet smiles are MINE everyday. Sometimes, I know they aren't this cute but at the end of the day when I tuck them in bed and get those kisses I become very excited to welcome another sweet smile into our family in about 4 weeks. The proof is in the picture! I'M READY TO POP!!

Sometimes it's the little things

So days have gone by since I posted about not wanting to be in the spotlight. I went on and on in a random problem rant about not wanting to be in the newspaper in my local home town. I talked about how I felt rejected by the town and many of the people in it.

I don't regret my post nor have my feelings changed to much but today while searching for completely random things on Pintrest (best site ever) I happen to come across this picture.

Now this is not the first time I have ever heard this, but it is something I keep forgetting. It's funny how the little things like randomly stumbling upon a cardboard sign on a website while searching for food ideas can make you feel just that much better about yourself.

In life I tend to forget my mistakes, aren't mistakes all the time. In fact some of those so called mistakes are indeed 'blessings' that I don't recognize until years past. Let me explain.


This may get lengthy and personal:

At 16 I was dating a guy named Kris from another town, he broke my heart and about broke my arm a time or too. I look back now after finding out he is a drug addict and in and out of jail and thank my stars I didn't continue down his path. After getting dumped by Kris I bounced between 2 guys from Verden (Lance and Josh)  Lance was the boy down the road whom I had grown up with watching him and his friends ride 4 wheelers up and down the road. I was completely ignored by them for years then I turn 16 get a car and the recently acquired boobs and contacts may of helped as well and suddenly those 4 wheelers are slowing down and turning into the driveway. Life was good and when I was finally asked to 'hang out' I was over the moon, months go by and I bounced between both Josh and Lance and I began to realize we only hung out at their house or in Josh's case we would go out of town on dates, like a good hour out of town. We never went in public together and come to find out it was because the girls in Verden whom hated me didn't approve of me so I was this hidden girl who was only called when they were bored and alone... After being devastated by the rejection of not only Kris but Lance and Josh, I bounced around to a few not so great guys that got me in so serious trouble with school and my family. In the midst of all this I started hanging out with Lindsey and met Caylon through her. Within a week we started dating, I was just over 16 and he was 19. This was May and he had already decided to not go on a mission for his church which meant nothing to me being I was some form of Baptist Methodist and Christian faith. Come August he tells me he is going to join the AIRFORCE and get out of this town. I was devastated but wasn't about to leave this hearthrob who told me he loved me within the first 2 weeks. He left in Feb and I said I would wait but being in highschool I saw boys everywhere. We were actually broken up when I went to his Basic training graduation and we bounced back and forth from together to not from March on. His Tech school was 5 hours from home so he came home 4th of July to see family and me (broken up at the time) and sometime during that 3 day span of his visit Ri~Lee was created. He was 20 and I was 17 at the time. I found out in August and he wasn't at all happy, nor was I. After going to see him in September over Labor day we decided we were going to get back together and raise this baby. In October he Proposed as he was leaving for the 2 day trip to his new station in Georgia (we had been off and on for a year and a half at this point). In December I decided to fly out for new years and we broke the news to my family I was going to be going to the court house in Georgia to marry him. January 3 2006 we were married in Houston County Court House in Perry Georgia and on March 22 2006 He flew in to Oklahoma to arrive just 5 hours before his baby girl Ri~Lee joined the world. I then moved out to Georgia on Easter weekend of 2006 not even a month after she was born and he deployed in June of that same year so back to Oklahoma I came until August. Finally living together after 7-8 months of marriage at the age of 18 and 21 was hard and I decided we needed to find a church to attend in town. He was not about to budge on the church that was going to be. Even though he had been inactive for the whole time before we got married he was still not about to go anywhere but the mormon church.So I figured why not. In October of 2006 We wen tot his church and by December of that same year, these two amazing elders were scheduling my Baptism date for December 23. I was confirmed a member the same day Ri~Lee was blessed December 2 2006. I was the best Christmas Eve I have ever experienced...

Decemeber 19 2010 we went to the Alabama temple and were sealed to each other and the kids for time and all eternity and are welcoming our third child into the world in just 5 short weeks. This baby will be the first baby born into the covenant and it doesn't make her any more special to me but it does bring me a peace knowing it took us years of doing things backwards and many many MISTAKES on my part but I finally figured out the important things in life.

I guess what I realized today when seeing that cardboard sign is I am not the mistakes I have made, I am the strong religious woman those mistakes which turned into being some of the greatest blessing I could of ever asked for have made me..

Without my mistakes I wouldn't be Mormon, I most likely wouldn't be married to Caylon and there is a strong chance I wouldn't be a mom at this point in my life. All things I wouldn't give up for anything in this world. I am THANKFUL for those mistakes that have become my blessings!!

Best part is the people in my life in Georgia know bout those mistakes/blessings and have expected them head on for what they are mistakes and love what they have made me whether the town I made them in does or not. My past has lead to my amazing present and BRIGHT FUTURE!!

Spot Light~ No thanks!

Okay, so I am one of those people you meet and think to yourself  "this girl loves to talk, and be around people" some may even say she loves the spotlight.. This can be so very true. Yet when it comes to being talked about or shown off in my hometown I want to run screaming in the other direction. Let me explain

I was that girl, the one who let town with no one really thinking I would survive. When I left school I not only had friends telling me getting married and moving to Georgia was never going to work I had some of my favorite teachers say the same thing. Teachers whom had known me since I was a child, personally going out of their way saying I wasn't smart enough to leave early and go to college in Georgia. Not strong enough to raise a child as a young mother married to the military living states away from everything I had ever know. When I came up pregnant it was a shock, of course it wasn't exactly how I saw my future going but the one thing I knew from that positive test on was " I was going to be a mom and I was going to do my Damn best to make it as a wife and mother to a family in the military." I pretty much had Ri~Lee in March and then suddenly packed up and hit the road for Georgia not even a month later, only really telling the 3 or 4 friends I had and family. I was so hurt and done with everyone whom had either left me in the dust when I became pregnant or whom had old me I was going to fail. 


I go back to visit about every 6 months if not more often and in the last  years I've kept my distance from the school and town I spent 17 years in. I went to the school I think 3 times since I moved away and all 3 times were in 2010 for the graduation activities of my sister Stevie. I have not only avoided the school but I avoid the wal-Mart the gas stations. I used to think I did it because I was better then the town, yet, now I am starting to realize it's because I have nothing to prove to the town. I have nothing to prove to the people who doubted me and my abilities or my love for my husband. I don't see the point in telling them how well we are doing. I don't personally think anyone would really care. The few people whom I would want to know about my life are still involved in it and keep in contact with me on facebook.

I haven't thought about nay of this for years but this last week I've found myself dealing with the feelings all over again. See Caylon has won numerous military awards this year topping them off with the AIR FORCE ISR ENLISTED INSTRUCTOR OF THE YEAR. This award is the top, it means he is #1. Because of his many accomplishments over the last year (11 awards to be exact) my wonderful family was wanting to put him in the paper in our home town. I agree this is a wonderful thing and since people love him there it would be wonderful. My grandma and his parents would love it if no one else cares.. The problem I have with it is Caylon and my father are dead set on including me in this article. See what many don't know is I as a Key Spouse in his Squadron was submitted for awards as well. These awards are an honor don't get me wrong. I was truly blessed to be thought of to be submitted for them. I just don't see why the town needs to know about it. It is nothing in comparison to Caylon many military achievements. See his are based unpon performance at work and some are even voted on by his peers in the sq. Mine is based upon voluntary actions I've done in the sq and the community. These are things I just did, not knowing a year later I'd be submitted for these awards. My dad and hubby want it to be included in the article to 'stick it to the town' if you will. They are so proud of what I have done as a mother, wife, and military spouse they want to show those who told me our marriage would fail, who said I wouldn't be a good mother and couldn't handle military life that I can and have survived quite well. My father really wants to have everyone basically eat their words or kiss my ass, years ago I was all for this but now I just want to continue to be forgotten. I don't feel like I even owe that place the knowledge of how well my life has turned out.

I even caught Caylon typing up his news article to email to my dad and he closed it out quickly because he didn't want me to see the typed article. It included my award and how proud of me he was for being a huge military supporter for our sq. He also typed in the text of the e-mail that he knows some of the article will need to be cut out he would prefer some of his info be removed as much as needed as long as my award and info is included in the article.. I of course got mad, that he and my parents were as I feel conspiring against my wishes that I be left out.. I still feel hurt that they are trying to included me in it against my wishes, yet I am trying to force myself to see why they so badly want me in their. I just don't think I compare to the amount of achievements Caylon has earned in his career and especially this past year of 2011.

I know poor me complaining about being recognized by the paper for things I've done. I for once in my life really would like to say NO THANKS on the SPOT LIGHT!!!

The only time I need my name in that paper again is when we renew our wedding vows in 3 1/2 years to celebrate our 10 year anv.

Still not sure I will be able to stay out of the article since I know it's me against Caylon and both my parents. I am almost 100% sure they will sneak me in their somewhere and there isn't a dang thing I ca do or say about it. I just struggle with all my negative memories of the town and many of the people (though some are so totally awesome and I love them). I know some memories I brought on myself if not most to all of them, but being dropped by a group of people you were surrounded by for years at school and especially at church is something I just haven't moved completely past. Yep I know work on that grudge girl!! Ahh, It's a work in progress, I promise.. :)


I know you are all dying to hear if I make it in the paper. I'll let you know... I can say this much, even if my name shows up in print my hugely pregnant face isn't about to get put in the paper...