I was searching for some help with my R.S. lesson in 2 weeks and came accrossed a blog I found very intresting, and in many way confusing also. I decided to post it to my blog to see if I could get some feed back. I have at times called and been called an Unorthodox Mormon, but after reading this I am not sure I am as Unorthodox as I had previously thought, nor am I sure I want to be called that.... It got my mind a churning and I find myself agreeing some what with the parts in the blog and the responces people posted to the blog and then completely disagreeing with some things in both also...
You can make your own judgement!
A dear friend of mine recently published an article in the Huffington Post about Mormon Pioneers. In one small line, she summed up something I have been feeling for a long time, especially in the way that I am viewed in the religious world. “As far as I’m concerned, my activity in the Mormon church is irrelevant to my identity as a Mormon.”
People, religious people mostly, like to know where I belong. Saying that I’m an unorthodox Mormon makes no sense to many and tends to upset most of those in my faith who are orthodox. I guess they like to call me ‘lukewarm’ or a ‘fence sitter’. Though I usually run hot and tend to speed walk every where I go. It has been a challenge to realize that while I don’t participate in most of the “church” duties of my religion, I still am happy and proud to be a Mormon.\
It’s been an envious realization that most of my friends in other faiths have the option of the level of activity in their faith. Yet, they also have no qualms in actually claiming that faith–even if they haven’t been to church in five years. Most of my Jewish friends are unorthodox and that is just fine. Their roots, their identity, is still solid in Judaism, without them having to wear a prayer shawl. And they don’t have a fear of ever being kicked out of the Jewish faith. Once a Jew, always a Jew. This goes for most of my Catholic friends as well. They attend church twice a year, use birth control, live with someone before they marry them (if they ever marry), and the like. Most people my age do many things not authorized in their religion. However, never, but never, would they ever say they were not Catholic. It’s their foundation. It’s who they are.
It’s a little different if you are a Mormon. You don’t really hold that power. If you do not qualify to attend the temple, you do not pay tithing, you like the occasional glass of red wine, you live with your boyfriend, and you are a little too outspoken about Prop 8. Well, then, they could very well just give you the boot and tell you that you are no longer one of them. I find this simply unfathomable. I find it crazy that some panel of men could look at me and say, “You are no longer one of us.”
Craig says:
Great post Stella. This brings up a lot of thoughts in me – many of which are confusing and difficult to parse.
I don’t call myself a Mormon because I don’t believe in anything the church teaches and I’m not a member of the church. I despise authoritarianism, censorship, homophobia, sexism, dogmas, doctrines, and hierarchies. I’m a gay atheist feminist communist. I am completely not Mormon.And yet, I am definitely Mormon. My family is super-orthodox. I was raised super-orthodox. I went on a mission and attended BYU for 4 years. My entire life is and will be irrevocably influenced by Mormonism. I no longer know how to navigate between these, nor how to express this. Am I Mormon? Definitely no. Also, definitely yes.
I’ve not identified as Mormon since I resigned my membership in the church. Recently I’ve started re-examining what Mormonism means to me, and have realised that I’m not as “Not a Mormon” as I thought I was. And yet I do still feel very uneasy about identifying as a Mormon because of the assumptions that go along with that word. I’m probably just as unorthodox as Stella, but I think I feel less Mormon. Or at least, I’m less willing to completely embrace that part of my identity. A major part of the issue is that I feel very little positive coming from Mormonism – both from my own Mormon upbringing, and from the external Mormonism that affects my life (and my rights) in very negative ways. For several years I have sought to distance myself from Mormonism; to cut all ties with it. I’m beginning to see that that isn’t possible, as most of my family is in the church, and there’s no undoing 23 years of indoctrination and culture. Perhaps I need to not worry about labels (boxes) so much and just be myself. For someone like myself who has such compulsion to organise everything into neat categories, it’s not been easy.
Stella says:
Andrew S. Thank you for your time and your comment. This navigation through Mormonism–as you know–always has a bit of laughter, a bit of agreement, and a bit of vehemence.
Craig,
I agree. So many times I ask myself–well how can I be a feminist AND a Mormon? How can I be such and such AND Mormon? There is NO answer. In all honesty, there is no way to make those two things REALLY go together–as much as I wish there were. All of those things you despise, I despise as much–and I openly despise them. I’ve been trying to make restitution to all the parts of me until everything within me is harmonious and happy.
Then I think–aw, screw it.
LuluBelle says:
Thanks for the post. I totally agree with it. I am totally Mormon. I go to church most Sundays, the missionaries are welcomed in my home (and are there often), my kids were baptized Morgan and go to church, I even give the occasional talk and Relief Society lesson, and hold a “smaller” calling. That said, I don’t do visiting teaching, the tithing I pay goes straight to the humanitarian aid fund, I drink coffee almost daily (but adhere to the WoW than most strict Mormon’s in that I eat really healthy and exercise and maintain a healthy weight and have great blood pressure and cholesterol levels), a few times a year I’ll indulge in a glass of wine, and I only marginally attend extra curricular church activities. I often skip out on at least one meeting per Sunday to take a butt break. I believe in some of the doctrine but not a lot of it… I am a semi-feminist and anti Prop 8. I despise forced gender roles. But I am Mormon on my terms and I hope that the church can embrace even someone like me. Once a missionary asked me why I still belonged to the church, which caught me off guard. I am because I am– because I want to. And just ‘cuz I don’t follow every bit of Mormonism in the strictest sense, does that mean I can (or shouldn’t) be Mormon? I, too, find it unfathonable that a group of men could call me into a church court of love and revoke my membership. I hope it doesn’t happen but the thought it wholly unsettling.
I’ve jokingly said, in a few passing conversations, that I’m trying to create a world where orthodox and unorthodox Mormons can all just get along. But why does it always sound like a funny joke when I say it? The terms that we tend to use are ‘active’ and ‘inactive’ (and the middle ground of ‘less active’). I do not subscribe to these terms and I do not appreciate all the stereotypes that come to mind from a simple label. I actually wish we didn’t have to be as obsessed by levels of activity in the religion as we typically tend to be. My level of activity still comes up at every single family event and it has been over three years now. Every time you meet with a Bishop–he questions you more on your sexual thoughts than on your actual passions and intents for your life’s path. He wants to know your “worthiness”…and yet, what does that word even mean in this context?
Many many things on my path do not subscribe to orthodox Mormonism. Yet, my very foundation of being raised Mormon is something I love, cherish, honor, and would never want stripped away. It’s at the core of who I am and it’s at the core of who I am becoming. The fact that I did not grow up to become an orthodox Mormon is not something that should be pitied or changed or solved or discussed or worried about or prayed over or be the reason for my parents to fast. The truth is, I AM a Mormon.
But, I am an unorthodox Mormon. I do things my own way. I will not apologize if I do not fit in the box that you need me to fit in. I will be me. Sounds simple…but it took me a long time to get here and I don’t take that simplicity lightly.
Craig says:
Great post Stella. This brings up a lot of thoughts in me – many of which are confusing and difficult to parse.
I don’t call myself a Mormon because I don’t believe in anything the church teaches and I’m not a member of the church. I despise authoritarianism, censorship, homophobia, sexism, dogmas, doctrines, and hierarchies. I’m a gay atheist feminist communist. I am completely not Mormon.And yet, I am definitely Mormon. My family is super-orthodox. I was raised super-orthodox. I went on a mission and attended BYU for 4 years. My entire life is and will be irrevocably influenced by Mormonism. I no longer know how to navigate between these, nor how to express this. Am I Mormon? Definitely no. Also, definitely yes.
I’ve not identified as Mormon since I resigned my membership in the church. Recently I’ve started re-examining what Mormonism means to me, and have realised that I’m not as “Not a Mormon” as I thought I was. And yet I do still feel very uneasy about identifying as a Mormon because of the assumptions that go along with that word. I’m probably just as unorthodox as Stella, but I think I feel less Mormon. Or at least, I’m less willing to completely embrace that part of my identity. A major part of the issue is that I feel very little positive coming from Mormonism – both from my own Mormon upbringing, and from the external Mormonism that affects my life (and my rights) in very negative ways. For several years I have sought to distance myself from Mormonism; to cut all ties with it. I’m beginning to see that that isn’t possible, as most of my family is in the church, and there’s no undoing 23 years of indoctrination and culture. Perhaps I need to not worry about labels (boxes) so much and just be myself. For someone like myself who has such compulsion to organise everything into neat categories, it’s not been easy.
Stella says:
Andrew S. Thank you for your time and your comment. This navigation through Mormonism–as you know–always has a bit of laughter, a bit of agreement, and a bit of vehemence.
Craig,
I agree. So many times I ask myself–well how can I be a feminist AND a Mormon? How can I be such and such AND Mormon? There is NO answer. In all honesty, there is no way to make those two things REALLY go together–as much as I wish there were. All of those things you despise, I despise as much–and I openly despise them. I’ve been trying to make restitution to all the parts of me until everything within me is harmonious and happy.
Then I think–aw, screw it.
LuluBelle says:
Thanks for the post. I totally agree with it. I am totally Mormon. I go to church most Sundays, the missionaries are welcomed in my home (and are there often), my kids were baptized Morgan and go to church, I even give the occasional talk and Relief Society lesson, and hold a “smaller” calling. That said, I don’t do visiting teaching, the tithing I pay goes straight to the humanitarian aid fund, I drink coffee almost daily (but adhere to the WoW than most strict Mormon’s in that I eat really healthy and exercise and maintain a healthy weight and have great blood pressure and cholesterol levels), a few times a year I’ll indulge in a glass of wine, and I only marginally attend extra curricular church activities. I often skip out on at least one meeting per Sunday to take a butt break. I believe in some of the doctrine but not a lot of it… I am a semi-feminist and anti Prop 8. I despise forced gender roles. But I am Mormon on my terms and I hope that the church can embrace even someone like me. Once a missionary asked me why I still belonged to the church, which caught me off guard. I am because I am– because I want to. And just ‘cuz I don’t follow every bit of Mormonism in the strictest sense, does that mean I can (or shouldn’t) be Mormon? I, too, find it unfathonable that a group of men could call me into a church court of love and revoke my membership. I hope it doesn’t happen but the thought it wholly unsettling.
There are several more responces if you want to really go read them all...
http://www.the-exponent.com/2010/07/29/the-unorthodox-mormon/comment-page-1/
0 comments:
Post a Comment