Welcome Back~ Life with a refreshing point of View~

It's been almost a full year since I last blogged, I took time away because I wasn't feeling like I had anything more to share. In the last few months I have come to realize I wrote this blog not to share everything with people but to remind myself of what is going on.


I have been teaching in Relief Society for about a year and a half, I can't say I have had that many great lessons but I can say they keep me around so I can't be doing that bad. I'm coming off a year of trips and stumbles in my personal life. I have spent the year punishing myself for mistakes I made and not letting myself grow or live like I should.  I hadn't really though to much about why I kept punishing myself I just kept doing it. In the last 2 months things have happened that have caused me to reevaluate my life and the way I look at myself and others around me. I came to realize after many years I was still holding in feelings of anger, and my feelings being hurt along with a bit of shame with me towards people. The last few weeks I have felt prompted to speak to people I had never give the chance to because I was warned or told by others I would have nothing in common with or wouldn't like the way they behaved. That was a HUGE mistake on my part, to let other people dictate whom I would like or not like was completely wrong on my part. I decided to give people a chance over the last few weeks after all it is a new year why not. Guess what I learned some of these people are pretty amazing and I really do enjoy being around them. Who knew right? :)
For those of you that new me in school I was always in a conflict with someone, and even though I tried hard not to let that follow me into my adult life it did at times (some times it wasn't me bring the conflict in, sometimes it was) I have been in the Bishop's office because of issues with others I've had talks with Caylon about issues with others and even talked to friends about issues with others but something I very seldom did was talk to the PERSON I had and issue with. Some of my pending issues were years old and I found I had been caring them around with me for much to long. After chatting with several women in our ward I came to realize there are several different issues with several different people going on in the ward. Clicks just like High school (they truly never leave) were/are going on and I realized in my chats that for the first time EVER I don't have any issues with anyone. I can honestly say I have no harsh feelings, mean thoughts or bad vibes towards a single person in the ward in the  squadron or really in my life right now.. I was shocked when I actually said this out loud, it hit me really hard to realize that I AM FREE. Do you know how good it feels to be free of conflict free of tension (expect my current headache) and mostly free of drama(can't help but hear of others drama)! I feel uplifted and upbeat.

I teach once a month in R.S. and this new manual we got made me very nervous. I had been struggling for months on the inspiration vs desperation thing with my calling and most Sundays Desperation was winning. I am sure some could tell. I also received a new presidency over the holiday and the swap was making me a bit nervous as well. New ladies sometimes me new preferred teaching styles. I was also dreading the new manual over George Albert Smith. I sat down and glanced at the title of this lesson and saw "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF" I can honestly say I was excited to teach this. I was researching the lesson when I stumbled across this quote 

" Marvin J Ashton: “Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weakness, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another’s weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.”

I knew instantly who should read this quote and where my lesson was supposed to go. I can honestly say this lesson spoke to me more then any other lesson I've taught and if no one got anything from it that's fine because I got tons!

I leave you celebrating with my on my new found peace and joy on finally being able to look at everyone and have love in my heart. I can say it was not easy and it took  for some people years before I was able to see them with this feeling, but I am finally able to do it. To pray whole heartily about them when they are in need and to smile with sincere heart. 

I encourage everyone young and old to really take head to the quote above, to really ponder those who have wronged you and more importantly those who you may have wronged and ask yourself am I giving them the benefit of the doubt, am I looking to them with LOVE & Charity in my heart am I (LOVING THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF) and remember to love thy neighbor you must first love thyself!!

 For how can you love thy neighbor or thy god without loving thyself?

The gospel teaches us to have charity for all and to love our fellows. The Savior said:

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, this is the first and great commandment.

“And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.” [Matthew 22:37–40.]

Just another Sunday

Well, tomorrow is Sunday once again and I can't help but fell excited about it. I love getting up and going to church. I've had some serious struggles with it the last few months though. I've been forcing myself to go with bells on for about 6 months now. I love the people {well, most of them} and I love the word {all of it word for word}, I love the music {Amy rocks my socks off with her selections and special music} and the talks are always my favorite part. Like most I am sure I have my favorite speakers, {I know I am a favorite of most, I mean come on it's me, who doesn't enjoy listening to me speak he he}. These things continue to make me happy to be there, I have just reached a spiritual growth road block. I am weeks away from hitting a milestone in my calling (Primary Secretary) and I can't help but have mixed emotions about it. I love working with the kids (though it is a very small amount of time) I love my teachers and Presidency members. I see the love each of them have for the children in our Primary and each other. I've seen countless teachers come and go and come again in my time in Primary, seven Councilors and I am now on my third President, all while I truck along compiling rolls, birthday lists, newsletters (my baby) and calendars for everyone to keep track off. I can recite almost every teacher's birthday and phone number, along with how many kids are in each class and which are active and inactive not to mention most of the kids birthdays. Let's face it I am GOOD at what I do, but that is because I loved what I do.

Yes! I know I used past tense... I said loved....

I still Love to make the newsletter, I still adore the children and the teachers/presidency members. I have just become stuck. I don't know maybe I am stuck in my own head, or maybe I am just suck spiritually. Either way I feel stuck. I feel like I have a job as opposed to how I felt when I first got my calling {Like I had a purpose, I was excited to knock on doors and make copies} now I feel like I should work at Kinko's. :( It may be a rut but it is a rut I have been stuck in for about 6 months and I find myself wishing more and more for a SPIRITUAL Challenge. For interaction with the new people in the ward, for a spiritual discussion not a discussion about who is in the bathroom helping the sunbeam boys! Though enlightening it no longer full fills me the way it did.



I have been searching magazines and scriptures for guidance and I found this....

No calling is beneath us. Every calling provides an opportunity to serve and to grow. The Lord organized the Church in a way that offers each member an opportunity for service, which, in turn, leads to personal spiritual growth. Whatever your calling, I urge you to see it as an opportunity not only to strengthen and bless others but also to become what Heavenly Father wants you to become.

The person who called you did not issue the call simply because he learned by interviewing you that you were worthy and willing to serve. He prayed to know the Lord’s will for you. It was prayer and revelation to those authorized of the Lord which brought you here. Your call is an example of a source of power unique to the Lord’s Church. Men and women are called of God by prophecy and by the laying on of hands by those God has authorized.

You are called to represent the Savior. Your voice to testify becomes the same as His voice, your hands to lift the same as His hands. His work is to bless His Father’s spirit children with the opportunity to choose eternal life. So, your calling is to bless lives. That will be true even in the most ordinary tasks you are assigned and in moments when you might be doing something not apparently connected to your call. Just the way you smile or the way you offer to help someone can build their faith. And should you forget who you are, just the way you speak and the way you behave can destroy faith.

That being said, I am struggling trying to keep from losing my smile, trying to concentrate as much as I can to prepare the newsletter, the calendars and smile and small mistakes. I know it is Primary, and simple mistakes on the Sunday Agenda aren't going to get someone hurt, but I didn't use to make a mistake, I used to spend about 15 hours going over a newsletter and now I am lucky if I spend 3-5 thought he week. Not because I don't have the time, but because I don't have the drive to do it. I create that newsletter so I love it, but I have kind of gotten to the point it is so monotonous.


I sit in the hallway waiting and hoping someone needs something even if it is crayons from the closet.


ohhhhhh, okay enough round and round, I have just been dealing with the eternal conflict between wanting to be someone who strives to fulfill her calling to my full potential and capability, and someone who gets bored beyond belief while listening to nothing in the hallway. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel bad, like I am hurting the kids, or the teachers or my fellow presidency members by sitting in the hallway bored and counting down the minutes until I have to know on the doors so I can get up and do something to help someone.

Night all, I will continue to pray and ponder the conflict, I just want to feel at peace whether it is staying in this calling or saying goodbye to a huge chapter in my life and moving on to something else. This calling has helped me grow more than I ever thought it could or would. I don't know if I would have made it to the Temple when I did if it wasn't for this calling and the things I have learned from the children and their teachers and my own scripture study that the kids challenged me to do...