Spot Light~ No thanks!

Okay, so I am one of those people you meet and think to yourself  "this girl loves to talk, and be around people" some may even say she loves the spotlight.. This can be so very true. Yet when it comes to being talked about or shown off in my hometown I want to run screaming in the other direction. Let me explain

I was that girl, the one who let town with no one really thinking I would survive. When I left school I not only had friends telling me getting married and moving to Georgia was never going to work I had some of my favorite teachers say the same thing. Teachers whom had known me since I was a child, personally going out of their way saying I wasn't smart enough to leave early and go to college in Georgia. Not strong enough to raise a child as a young mother married to the military living states away from everything I had ever know. When I came up pregnant it was a shock, of course it wasn't exactly how I saw my future going but the one thing I knew from that positive test on was " I was going to be a mom and I was going to do my Damn best to make it as a wife and mother to a family in the military." I pretty much had Ri~Lee in March and then suddenly packed up and hit the road for Georgia not even a month later, only really telling the 3 or 4 friends I had and family. I was so hurt and done with everyone whom had either left me in the dust when I became pregnant or whom had old me I was going to fail. 


I go back to visit about every 6 months if not more often and in the last  years I've kept my distance from the school and town I spent 17 years in. I went to the school I think 3 times since I moved away and all 3 times were in 2010 for the graduation activities of my sister Stevie. I have not only avoided the school but I avoid the wal-Mart the gas stations. I used to think I did it because I was better then the town, yet, now I am starting to realize it's because I have nothing to prove to the town. I have nothing to prove to the people who doubted me and my abilities or my love for my husband. I don't see the point in telling them how well we are doing. I don't personally think anyone would really care. The few people whom I would want to know about my life are still involved in it and keep in contact with me on facebook.

I haven't thought about nay of this for years but this last week I've found myself dealing with the feelings all over again. See Caylon has won numerous military awards this year topping them off with the AIR FORCE ISR ENLISTED INSTRUCTOR OF THE YEAR. This award is the top, it means he is #1. Because of his many accomplishments over the last year (11 awards to be exact) my wonderful family was wanting to put him in the paper in our home town. I agree this is a wonderful thing and since people love him there it would be wonderful. My grandma and his parents would love it if no one else cares.. The problem I have with it is Caylon and my father are dead set on including me in this article. See what many don't know is I as a Key Spouse in his Squadron was submitted for awards as well. These awards are an honor don't get me wrong. I was truly blessed to be thought of to be submitted for them. I just don't see why the town needs to know about it. It is nothing in comparison to Caylon many military achievements. See his are based unpon performance at work and some are even voted on by his peers in the sq. Mine is based upon voluntary actions I've done in the sq and the community. These are things I just did, not knowing a year later I'd be submitted for these awards. My dad and hubby want it to be included in the article to 'stick it to the town' if you will. They are so proud of what I have done as a mother, wife, and military spouse they want to show those who told me our marriage would fail, who said I wouldn't be a good mother and couldn't handle military life that I can and have survived quite well. My father really wants to have everyone basically eat their words or kiss my ass, years ago I was all for this but now I just want to continue to be forgotten. I don't feel like I even owe that place the knowledge of how well my life has turned out.

I even caught Caylon typing up his news article to email to my dad and he closed it out quickly because he didn't want me to see the typed article. It included my award and how proud of me he was for being a huge military supporter for our sq. He also typed in the text of the e-mail that he knows some of the article will need to be cut out he would prefer some of his info be removed as much as needed as long as my award and info is included in the article.. I of course got mad, that he and my parents were as I feel conspiring against my wishes that I be left out.. I still feel hurt that they are trying to included me in it against my wishes, yet I am trying to force myself to see why they so badly want me in their. I just don't think I compare to the amount of achievements Caylon has earned in his career and especially this past year of 2011.

I know poor me complaining about being recognized by the paper for things I've done. I for once in my life really would like to say NO THANKS on the SPOT LIGHT!!!

The only time I need my name in that paper again is when we renew our wedding vows in 3 1/2 years to celebrate our 10 year anv.

Still not sure I will be able to stay out of the article since I know it's me against Caylon and both my parents. I am almost 100% sure they will sneak me in their somewhere and there isn't a dang thing I ca do or say about it. I just struggle with all my negative memories of the town and many of the people (though some are so totally awesome and I love them). I know some memories I brought on myself if not most to all of them, but being dropped by a group of people you were surrounded by for years at school and especially at church is something I just haven't moved completely past. Yep I know work on that grudge girl!! Ahh, It's a work in progress, I promise.. :)


I know you are all dying to hear if I make it in the paper. I'll let you know... I can say this much, even if my name shows up in print my hugely pregnant face isn't about to get put in the paper...